It's just so true.

"Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same."

xoxo,
Christina Marie

Doubt.

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." - C.S. Lewis

"And how long it will take." That's my add-in on this perfect description of letting life unfold as it should. Yes, I'm impatient, extremely! I want it now, or I want to know whether or not I'm getting it eventually, and if I'm not, I want to dismiss and move forward. Like the Sailor. Or my job. Or life in general.

I made a change with my spiritual advisor. I'm really looking forward to developing this new relationship, when I have spoken with her over the past few months she has always had an air of peacefulness and happiness. I don't feel stressed or overwhelmed when I see or speak with her, this is a good thing;)I asked her yesterday and she has agreed to work with me, which is great, I have been feeling really discontent and not at ease. I need to keep moving forward with my spiritual development, no backward steps right now, and working with her will be another step in the right direction.

Lastly, I miss my friends. Lately I have been feeling like we haven't had time for one another, and they are my life lines to reality and love. They keep it real, remind me of what I deserve and what I'm accomplished at when I tend to forget, and are just wonderful people to be surrounded by. B is off on a romantic vacation with her future hubby in NZ (I am caring for her home and her pets, in fact), T has moved back to CO for an undetermined length of time, KJ and R are just busy with life(and their significant others), and LZ, well, she's just a busy lady all the time. I just miss them, I'm ready for some girl time this weekend, much needed!

Happy Friday!
xoxo,
Christina Marie

One year and counting.

Yesterday was the year anniversary of my last drink. It's crazy to think that I lived my life thinking the way I consumed alcohol was normal for me, it was never normal. Now I think about drinking, which is still more often than I would like to admit, and I still think I can do it. But you know what? Some people should NOT drink, I fall into that category. My life has grown exponentially better than it was a year ago. I often remind myself that nothing bad can come from not drinking, but many things can happen if I decide to pick up where I left off.

I stopped drinking last year for a few reasons, I was just 'trying it out' for a bit. My father, being the active alcoholic that he is, has shown me some of the worse things that can happen when someone who shouldn't drink continues to lead this lifestyle. This was my leading factor. I had also begun to date the Sailor, and he doesn't drink anymore. It was easier for me to continue to connect with him and get to know the wonderful person inside if I wasn't consuming, and getting to know him was a wonderful gift, one I wouldn't trade for a drink. Lastly, I had put on a few extra pounds throughout my drinking career. I had kept swearing that I was going to start working out again, eating healthier, etc. But I didn't. When I started with my experimental wagon ride, I quickly noticed how much more energy I had and soon began to work out more. The pounds literally melted away. Within the first two weeks of not drinking and working out somewhat regularly I was back in my favorite jeans! This was one more reason why my decision to not drink was a good lifestyle change.

This last year has not been easy. I have wanted to drink wine with dinner. Unwind with a glass of Maker's after work. Do a shot at the bar. My girlfriends, not all, but a few, were very reluctant to be supportive. Insisting I was doing it "for a guy", and continued for months to show their displeasure. This was really difficult, my friends are my family, my sisters. I wanted them to respect my decision and trust it was about me, not him. When he and I officially split, and I continued to still not drink, I think that's when they finally got it. Which was about seven to eight months later... not easy.

So, yesterday was one year. I'm ready for many more, because this life is actually starting to feel pretty good....

xoxo,
Christina Marie

Food is love.

I love food. I would rather give up booze than food. And I did, so no big deal, but food? No way! I couldn't do both. I really do admire those woman who can restrain themselves from eating all the delicious things life has to offer, pasta, meat, butter and cream, duck, BACON, everything that tastes good usually is not great on the physique.... Salads and skinny lattes really are much better for a small ass and tiny waist. Like I said, I gave up booze, give me my 2% latte.

And although I am considerably lucky, I am not a large person to begin with, but that's because I have learned to be moderate with what I put into my body. In addition, I am an active individual. Nothing too crazy, you can by no means call me a 'gym rat', but I love to hike, horse back ride, bike, run outdoors, etc. It's very simple really, if you want to eat more than your body expends on a daily basis, you really need to do some exercise. Not to mention how GREAT you feel after you workout. I am honestly a nicer person when I exercise.

So my girlfriend B is a nutritionist. She also went to grad school for nutrition and now writes as a food nutrition editor for a renowned food magazine. She is my hero when it comes to making food taste good AND be healthy. I have a hard time cooking this way. I love to use butter, bacon and cream when I cook. I once had the Sailor ask me if there was anything I DIDN'T put bacon in. My response to him was something like, "I'm sorry, are you complaining? Because I'm sure I could find 20 men who would never find a problem with it...." Well, he did have a point. I put bacon in everything: Brussels sprouts, green salads, chicken dishes, risotto dishes, wrapped around steak and scallops, you get the idea, everything tastes better with bacon! Well, then he accused me of trying to make him fat so no one other than me would want him... which was untrue. But again, a good point, I did want to keep him for myself:)

So, recently I have committed myself to cooking healthy 75% of the time, and giving myself a 25% reserve for weekends and lazy nights. B has been wonderful in giving me the nudge in the right direction. She has healthy magazines around her place and she is always cooking healthy alternatives, and I recently began to workout with her, so I feel like I'm reporting to my life coach on my eating patterns and workout regimen. It's been very good. Just the kick in the right direction.

Last night I spent an evening with the Sailor and offered to cook dinner, which he of course jumped at, and I wanted to make it healthy, delicious, and frozen-camp/no water friendly. (We were at his summer house on the lake... it's February, i.e. no water.) I decided to grill a couple of steaks (fillet), oven roast some asparagus in a little bit of olive oil with some fresh grated parmesan, and serve this all with fresh linguine in a no-cook tomato sauce. It was perfect. Gorgeous colors on the plate, quick cook time, little prep, little clean up. And the flavors, all so fresh and wonderful, it was a man's dinner, minus the bacon, butter and cream. (The parmesan was not a Olive Garden "tell me when to stop" amount. It was just enough for flavor.) The sauce was great, I will make this over and over again! And the best part, Sailor loved it. And he loved it even more when I told him it was healthy for him! See, I'm learning...

I'm really excited to begin cooking differently, still creating delicious meals with less fat. It will just make me feel that much better when I hit the treadmill in the winter months. But please, do not ask me to give up my cream and sugar in my coffee, just isn't gonna happen...

xoxo, Christina Marie

Obsession is never moderate.

All day I have been dreaming/fantasizing about this dessert I prepared this weekend for some clients I occasionally cook dinner parties for. Chocolate molten cake with a cherry reduction sauce. It was phenomenal. I might need to make them again this week... When I prepared the dessert ahead of time as a practice run, I made two of the cakes. I wanted to test the cook time, etc. Anyway, I started to eat the first one, and I ended up throwing the rest of it away, it was dangerously good. I JUST started working out again, I can't ruin it with those little crack devils.

So I then remembered I should check the other cake to make sure the center 'is also molten in the middle'. It was a really bad idea. I had to throw that one away too. Such a horrible and wasteful thing to do.

I now remember why I have never made molten cakes before. It's the same reason I never participated in certain recreational activities in college. I have an obsessive personality. I find something that I like, and I obsess, it's never enough, I want and NEED more. So, I am trying my hardest to not give in to my desires today. There are other great ways to indulge in foods, and I plan on giving in to those needs. A girl's gotta eat, right? Wait, isn't that the line you use when you go out on a date with someone you aren't really into.... Whatever, same application here.

Gym time and then dinner! I think another reason I'm thinking so much about those little sex cakes is because I was very dissatisfied with my lunch today, I had roasted beets and greens and miso soup, the soup was from a package. Note to self: packaged miso, never a good idea.

xoxo,
Christina Marie

Extremity and Moderation

Mistrust the person who finds everything good, and the person who finds everything evil, and mistrust even more the person who is indifferent to everything. - Johann Kasper Lavater

I love this quote, it's so clear. It speaks so clearly of truth, finding the grey area. I live in the black and white. Being too good, or too bad, but I know that I am both, not usually at the same time. And being good all the time, who wants that? Not very fun!

But the person of indifference is the worst! I can think of nothing more boring that being asked out by a man and then having him ask me what I want to do for dinner, or the movie, that he 'doesn't care' what we do. DONE. Make a move, be bold, have an opinion! Being indifferent is a different breed of the easy going individual, who tends to be a laid back and go-with-the- flow. But there is a fine line. I'm guilty of walking that line. Except I always have an opinion, whether or not I share it is another story....

Gonna go have a great day off for the first time in weeks! (Ok, day to myself...)

xoxo,

Christina Marie